Thursday, June 25, 2009

Fear

Fear, Insecurity, Stress.

I would like to talk about these things today. Particularly in the context of relationships. My very recent ex boyfriend decided he wanted to break up with me, and the reason he gave was that because we are both in the U.S. Navy, eventually when both our enlistments are up, we will have to go our separate ways. He said he "doesn't want to get any more attached to me than he already is" because he already "likes me a lot". He feels that it will be easier for both of us if we "quit while we're ahead", so that instead of being hurt by breaking up with someone after 4 years, we're only hurting from breaking up a 4 month relationship.

Now, I don't know about you. But I learned something a few years ago, someone ( I can't remember who) told me that whenever I get into a relationship I need to just accept the fact that eventually it is going to end. At my age that is something that cannot be ignored when talking about dating. I can't expect to spend the rest of my life with a guy I date as an 18 year-old. I mean, sure, sometimes people get lucky and marry their High School Sweet-hearts. But, as Jason Long said in He's Just Not That Into You, "They were the exception, You are the Rule."
So now everytime I go out with a guy I have to remind myself to look beyond the lovey-dovey honeymoon phase feeling and just make sure that I'm aware of the fact that we are going to break up. And knowing that it will eventually end and being okay with that makes it just a tidbit easier to deal with the break up when it happens.

But what happens when your boyfriend breaks up with you because he's afraid of being SO hurt by a breakup after a 4 year relationship and he'd rather just break it off now? I'd rather just let the relationship take its course and be happy with the person for as long as possible. And just embrace the now. I'd rather breakup for a good reason, like, I don't know, not LIKING THE PERSON ANYMORE? Or abuse in the relationship or some other substantial reason.

A few of my friends have told me that my ex is probably using this reason as a cop out. And that there is another reason behind the breakup that he's just not man enough to tell me straight up. Which could be true. And for that matter,

Why is it so hard for guys to just TELL a girl that they don't like her anymore? Why do they have to make up bullS*** like, "Oh I'm just not good enough for you, you deserve better, I just want you to be happy", or even not telling the girl AT ALL why they are breaking up.

Anyway. All of these things, to me, pretty much point to fear and insecurity. I think men these days need to grow a pair.

-Hippie Sailor