To Do

(Originally written Spring 2015)
Here’s your to-do list for being a healthy, happy, balanced, well-rounded, socially-conscious, ethically-responsible young female millennial (while in college):

• Study for classes
• Work at least part-time 
• Maintain 4.0 GPA 
• Participate in an internship 
• Check in regularly with your professors/advisors
• Study abroad; see the world 
• Be involved in a team sport/activity
• Cultivate your hobbies
• Be well read; read books regularly (in addition to required reading)
• Go on trips regularly
• But also explore your hometown/city/state
• Always have some money saved/be saving for the future
• Have a “bucket list”
• Cross things off your “bucket list”
• Keep houseplants alive
• Pursue your passions
• Take up gardening; grow your own produce
• Recycle recyclables and compost biodegradables
• Keep garbage waste to a minimum
• Care for animals
• Meditate regularly
• Pray every morning and night
• Exercise regularly
• Keep your legs/armpits/etc. shaven and smooth at all times
• Keep the entire surface area of your skin moisturized at all times
• Do a face mask/deep conditioning hair mask once a week
• Keep nails manicured or get regular manicures/pedicures
• Brush AND floss teeth twice a day EVERY DAY
• Drink at least 1 liter of water every day
• Prep your own meals/cook for yourself and others
• Exfoliate your skin at least once a week
• Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables
• Take daily vitamins/minerals/supplements
• Stretch before and after sleep/exercise
• Get regular massages
• Get regular chiropractic adjustments/acupuncture/physical therapy, etc.
• Get vaccinations/regular flu shots
• Get annual medical/dental checkups
• Get regular pap smears/mammograms, etc.
• Keep up with current events
• Keep a perfectly-coordinated-yet-minimal wardrobe,
• Which you must keep laundered/sorted/starched/ironed/steamed/folded/hung, etc.
• Donate to charities; help the needy
• Be informed about politics
• Be an active part of a spiritual community
• Tip well
• Tithe 10% of income
• Observe the sabbath
• Pay taxes/Do your taxes
• Keep your inbox clean
• Keep your living area neat/do household chores
• Spend plenty of time outdoors
• Decorate for the various holidays
• Send Christmas/Thank-you/Birthday cards to friends and family
• Have an active social and/or romantic life
• Spend quality time with loved ones
• Have at least one college degree
• Keep your various insurances, registrations, licenses, etc. valid and up to date
• Get regular vehicle service checks/oil changes, etc.
• Keep a journal or blog
• Get 7–9 hours of sleep at night
• Always look put-together (makeup/hair) while out
• Stay current with seasonal fashion trends
• Switch out wardrobe/closet items with the changing of seasons
• Maintain a good LinkedIn account
• Have a 401(k) or other retirement plans
• Maintain a monthly budget and keep up with all your bills
• vote/do civic duty
• Attend jury duty
• Have a healthy sex life
• Get regular STD/HIV checks
• Be bubbly/coy/flirtatious with men
• But don’t get raped/assaulted
• Wear high heels to complement certain outfits and to improve stature/posture
• But don’t wear heels that make you taller than your male partner,
• Also, don’t wear heels that are too high if you’re already tall to begin with
• Basically, just don’t be taller than any man, anywhere, ever
• Dress in a way that compliments your figure
• But don’t “be a tease”
• Be confident and assertive in who you are
• But don’t be “too outspoken” or “too independent” or men might be intimidated
• Keep a fit and slender physique
• But don’t ever be “too skinny,” “too muscular” or “too athletic”
• Be curvaceous and feminine
• But don’t have “too many curves” and make sure they’re the “right kind of curves”
• Don’t dress in a way that might be perceived as “asking for it”
• Don’t get pregnant unplanned but
• Have a family
• Pay off/pay down debts as much/as quickly as you can
• But also keep certain kinds of debt, like mortgages and credit cards because you need to
• Maintain a “good” credit score, oh and don’t forget to
• Check your credit score regularly and also
• Keep your identity and all your personal info from being stolen
• Do regular backups of your hard drives, iCloud, etc.
• Have the most updated model smartphone or at least one of its 2 predecessors

That’s all./sarcasm
(It's actually not "all," of course. Feel free to keep it going in the comments if you think of any to add,  as the list of societal pressures, expectations and obligations is never-ending!)